Helicopter Parenting
We all know what it is and we all probably think "I'm not that parent", but are you? I know I don't want to be that parent, but I think I am and I think Dex may be even more so than me. In fact, when we were in VA we heard, "You guys need to have more children so that you can relax!" More children to relax? This seems counter intuitive, but may be true! If we had four kids instead of two, then we wouldn't be able to be so over protective and over involved because our attention would be pulled in more directions. It's all with good intentions, mainly we want Sage to be happy and safe, but I also think mommy guilt plays a huge role in the insane number of "helicopter" or just really over involved parents if you like that term better.
I feel guilty when I am not paying attention to my kids, I feel guilty when I don't want to play with Sage, I feel guilty when she is being super whiney and instead of catering to her and making her feel better, I tell her to go to her room and play because I don't want to hear the whining. I feel like a bad parent when I behave exactly how my mom did when I was growing up, yet I feel like my mom was a great mom. If I feel like I had a great childhood and my mom was a great mother, then why do I feel so inadequate? Why do I analyze my every move and compare myself to some make believe perfect mother? Why do I feel like the over involved parent is the perfect parent when I so logically know that is not the case? What has my over involvement gotten me?
I know exactly what I have gotten from my over involvement, a spoiled, dependant child who doesn't know how to entertain herself, exactly what I was trying to avoid!! I am so tired of hearing the words "can't" and "help". I am so tired of the whining and crying because Sage is bored despite the fact that this house is bulging at the seams from the massive overload of toys! I'm tired of buying my child things just to see them tossed to the side 20 minutes later and her standing in front of me whining. Who am I really doing this for me or her? Who is winning? From what I can tell, neither one of us is benefiting here.
So where do we draw the line? Sage is an expert at finding things to get into if I don't hover, but she is so used to me hovering, that she gets upset if I'm not paying attention to her. I have spent so much time playing with Sage, that now she has no idea how to play by herself. I have focused so much energy on entertaining my child, that now she demands constant entertainment. So how do I back track and fix this without feeling like a horrible mother? How do I create an independent, self-sufficient child and adult? How do I stop hovering and how do I deal with the inevitable onslaught of crying and whining that will follow? How do I find a balance that maintains my sanity, doesn't compromise the parent/child relationship, and creates a healthy, independent, well-adjusted child? How do I give her the freedom to explore her world and learn by experience, but ensure her safety as well? Why is parenting so complex?
I feel guilty when I am not paying attention to my kids, I feel guilty when I don't want to play with Sage, I feel guilty when she is being super whiney and instead of catering to her and making her feel better, I tell her to go to her room and play because I don't want to hear the whining. I feel like a bad parent when I behave exactly how my mom did when I was growing up, yet I feel like my mom was a great mom. If I feel like I had a great childhood and my mom was a great mother, then why do I feel so inadequate? Why do I analyze my every move and compare myself to some make believe perfect mother? Why do I feel like the over involved parent is the perfect parent when I so logically know that is not the case? What has my over involvement gotten me?
I know exactly what I have gotten from my over involvement, a spoiled, dependant child who doesn't know how to entertain herself, exactly what I was trying to avoid!! I am so tired of hearing the words "can't" and "help". I am so tired of the whining and crying because Sage is bored despite the fact that this house is bulging at the seams from the massive overload of toys! I'm tired of buying my child things just to see them tossed to the side 20 minutes later and her standing in front of me whining. Who am I really doing this for me or her? Who is winning? From what I can tell, neither one of us is benefiting here.
So where do we draw the line? Sage is an expert at finding things to get into if I don't hover, but she is so used to me hovering, that she gets upset if I'm not paying attention to her. I have spent so much time playing with Sage, that now she has no idea how to play by herself. I have focused so much energy on entertaining my child, that now she demands constant entertainment. So how do I back track and fix this without feeling like a horrible mother? How do I create an independent, self-sufficient child and adult? How do I stop hovering and how do I deal with the inevitable onslaught of crying and whining that will follow? How do I find a balance that maintains my sanity, doesn't compromise the parent/child relationship, and creates a healthy, independent, well-adjusted child? How do I give her the freedom to explore her world and learn by experience, but ensure her safety as well? Why is parenting so complex?
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