My 5 Ring Circus

Finding this old blog is embarrassing yet enlightening at the same time. I no longer have two girls, I now have three. Thought for sure baby #3 was going to be a boy, but nope, I am destined to be a girl mom and I absolutely love it, except for the hair, I do not like having to do the hair. Luckily baby #3 is now 8 and baby #1 and #2 are 13 and 11, so there is a lot less hair for me to do these days. Update #2, I lost the weight, then gained it back. I know, shocking! So I seem to be destined to be a fat girl mom, emphasis on the fat, but I'm not sure I care all that much anymore. The big take away for me from reading my old blog posts is that I was without a doubt in the throws of postpartum depression when I started this blog. Lucky for you, I have normal depression now so, if I actually continue to write here, you can rest assured that there will be many more insane rambling posts. You're welcome! 

That's how I feel about motherhood right now, it's candy coated shit.  I am so beyond sick of all the mothers out there pretending like it's all roses and sunshine, like they have the best behaved kids ever, like motherhood is everything they ever wanted, everything they expected it to be, like their life is just perfect.  I'm calling bull shit because I can tell you that sometimes motherhood just sucks.  Sometimes I wonder why I had kids to begin with, why did I think I could do this, and two?  Really?  What made me think that I could handle two screaming, pooping children?  I feel like the worst mother in the entire world, I feel like my kids would be better off without me, I feel like Dex needs to just go find some other woman to raise our children because there is no doubt I'm going to screw them up because I'm a freaking mess.  I can't take care of/control myself, what made me think for even a second that I could raise two other human beings in an...

Yes, I am that old, oh Debbie Gibson, haha!  Anyway, so I was thinking, if I never look in the mirror, then I feel like me and I look like the image in my head, me 10 years ago.  Living where I live, so far away from my friends and family, it is so easy to believe I am the person in my head, the skinny girl that I still am in my dreams...then I walk past a mirror, I glance, but don't even connect with the person staring back at me.  The double chin, the wrinkles, the giant arms, the mama belly, who is that?  Surely it isn't me!  If I stay 1000 miles away, then it never has to be me, I can be the me in my head because there is nobody to say otherwise.  Pretty sure I will forever be in my 20's in Dex's head, so if nobody else ever sees me.  Reminds me of a song...

Despite how I have been feeling lately, I managed to muster enough energy to get my store up and running!  It has been a lot of hard work, still is, but I am having a blast so far!  Please, check it out and share it with your friends!   www.jadelisebaby.com

I went and got cocky, finally admitted that I was feeling great, had been for nearly 2 months, the weight was finally coming off and what happens?  I run into a brick wall!  I'm beyond frustrated, and I don't know where to turn.  I feel like there is something physically wrong with me, I do not think this is PPD any longer.  Yes, I do think I had PPD, but I think the PPD was muddling whatever is physically wrong.  I went to the doctor and the doctor brushed everything off as psychological, but I know it's not all in my head, it can't be, right?  Here are the symptoms: Hot flashes Crazy sweating (like the back of my knees sweat so bad that I leave wet spots on the couch) Extreme fatigue Very itchy scalp Weight gain (5 lbs in one week is not normal) Headaches Increased appetite, but nausea after eating Increased thirst Muscle pain Irritability Depression Brain fog I had felt terrible since Gia was born, I had not lost a single pound since 2 wee...

This is an old post that I found that apparently I never published, maybe there was a reason for that?  Whatever, here's my post from August 1 that didn't make it to press the first go around! Normally I would stay away from the topic of politics, but nobody is reading this blog anyway, so what the hell. Here's my question, what are we voting for?  Really, what?  We think we are voting for representatives, people who will stand up for the voters, those of us who don't have millions to run for the Senate, but really it is all a beautiful hoax.  The rich get richer, why?  Because the rich are paying for the campaigns and lining the pockets of government officials.  So what happens?  Congressmen vote in ways that benefit the rich in order to continue to line their own pockets.  So not only are the wealthy receiving tax breaks at the expense of the middle class, but Congress would also like to take away "entitlements".  What is considered a...