Trigger happy

I feel like the triggers are flying these days and the only anchor I've got is my beautiful little baby.  By triggers I mean all the women posting about their size 2 bodies and complaining, the articles about weight discrimination in the workplace, and the people who still think it is ok to openly make fun of people who are overweight.  My thyroid test came back borderline, which gave me a temporary sense of relief...until I looked in the mirror.  Medical reason or not, I still disgust myself, I still feel guilty everytime I eat, and I still want to puke (literally) everytime I hear a skinny girl complain about her body.  What's worse is that I feel guilty for feeling like that, I know that is unfair, I was once that skinny girl complaining about my body and those feelings I had then are no different from the feelings I have now only I am actually fat now according to medical guidelines.

When I recently made my trip to VA, I was assaulted the entire trip by the words of my mother, "You know your sister has lost weight!  All she did was start eating better and she has lost weight!  Your sister looks so good!"  What does this say to me?  You are not as beautiful in my eyes as your sister, you are lazy, you eat like crap, you are fat and it is all your fault and lets ignore the fact that you have been working out and analyzing every bite you take.  The worst part is that my mom thinks this is motivation and instead I have stopped working out, what's the point?  I would have stopped eating as well, but I have to feed and nourish my child, but people don't see that.  In fact, my mom suggested I quit breastfeeding. 

So is this what society has become?  Everyone loves to blame the media and blame men, but what I see is that we are to blame.  Women openly judge themselves, talk to each other about how disgusted they are by their bodies, praise women for losing weight (even if they didn't need to), and obsess with each other.  We are doing this to ourselves and what's the result?  People are getting fatter! 

What do I have to say to those who are discriminating against me or making fun of me for my weight?  You look at me in disgust as you guzzle your cocktail and smoke your cigarette...I sip my smoothie and listen to my stomach growl as my body and mind rebel.  Don't throw stones.