My 5 Ring Circus

There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home......... DAMMIT, I'm still here! On another note, the Duggars, they are either completely ignorant or selfish, I'm going with ignorant, what's your take?

Ok, I know, I suck because I dropped off the planet!  All I have to say is ZOLOFT WORKS!  Thanks to an increase in meds, I was able to get a handle on my PPD and actually get my life together and find a new normalcy, a new rhythm as a mom of two.  Other than the fact that I'm still in the Midwest, things are going well! I LOVE LOVE LOVE my sweet girls! :)  Gia is working on crawling right now and finding her words (she said Mama yesterday!) and Sage is working on her fear of the potty (2 out of 3 pees in the potty so far today!).  Funny thing is, now that I'm no longer psychotic, I am busy!  I'm actually cooking, and doing dishes, and doing the occasional load of laundry again, yay me! Another exciting update...I am no longer obese!!!  I've lost about 15 lbs in the last month and I don't know if it is just my hormones finally leveling out and my body getting back on track or if it is my gluten free/dairy free diet.  We finally figured ...

I feel like the triggers are flying these days and the only anchor I've got is my beautiful little baby.  By triggers I mean all the women posting about their size 2 bodies and complaining, the articles about weight discrimination in the workplace, and the people who still think it is ok to openly make fun of people who are overweight.  My thyroid test came back borderline, which gave me a temporary sense of relief...until I looked in the mirror.  Medical reason or not, I still disgust myself, I still feel guilty everytime I eat, and I still want to puke (literally) everytime I hear a skinny girl complain about her body.  What's worse is that I feel guilty for feeling like that, I know that is unfair, I was once that skinny girl complaining about my body and those feelings I had then are no different from the feelings I have now only I am actually fat now according to medical guidelines. When I recently made my trip to VA, I was assaulted the entire trip by th...

As women, I think we have a tendency to do it all, overwhelm ourselves, and get stressed out.  We don't take time for ourselves and we end up in the doctor's office complaining about headaches, hot flashes, dizziness, nausea, fatigue, etc. and we hear, "You are stressed, you need 'Me time'!"  We laugh because we all know that "me time" doesn't really exist once you become Mommy.  I also think we have a tendency to take our stress out on our husbands and blame them for not doing enough or doing too much or doing this and that...really anything and not so much because our husbands actually did or didn't do this or that, but more because we need a release, we need to blame someone for what we have actually done to ourselves.  Sure our husbands screw up from time to time, but who doesn't?  I know I'm certainly not perfect!  So today I just want to say I love my husband!  Dex is a wonderful husband and father and even though I am overwhelm...

It's been almost a week since my last blog post and that was certainly not for lack of trying!  It seems some weeks with a toddler and an infant don't leave much time to spare.  Each time I sit down to write, I get interrupted. Apparently today is no different because here I am an hour after beginning this blog post!  I am sitting here nursing Gia while Sage pulls all of her coloring books out of the drawer she is not supposed to be in.  Sage is very good at waiting until I'm tied up with Gia before getting into things. We are potty training and let me tell you, it is not fun when you have a head strong child like mine!  You always hear that you will go through a lot of underwear and your child will have a lot of accidents when you start potty training.  I was prepared for that.  What I wasn't prepared for was for my child to simply decide not to go at all after a day of almost flawless training!  Seriously she was sitting in the floor on her ...

We all know what it is and we all probably think "I'm not that parent", but are you?  I know I don't want to be that parent, but I think I am and I think Dex may be even more so than me.  In fact, when we were in VA we heard, "You guys need to have more children so that you can relax!"  More children to relax?  This seems counter intuitive, but may be true!  If we had four kids instead of two, then we wouldn't be able to be so over protective and over involved because our attention would be pulled in more directions.  It's all with good intentions, mainly we want Sage to be happy and safe, but I also think mommy guilt plays a huge role in the insane number of "helicopter" or just really over involved parents if you like that term better. I feel guilty when I am not paying attention to my kids, I feel guilty when I don't want to play with Sage, I feel guilty when she is being super whiney and instead of catering to her and making her f...

and by you I mean me!  I am always so worried about what other people think about me when I know the reality is they are not thinking about me at all, I am not that important!  I am constantly worried that other people are judging my size, that other people are thinking that I'm fat.  I hate going out in public to eat because I am certain that people are thinking, "That fat woman does not need to be eating!"  Of course all people need to eat, but I feel like, unless I am eating a salad or maybe some grilled veggies, that everyone around me is watching me and judging me, but I'm really not that important and I'm sure the people around me are thinking about what bills they need to pay or what they are going to wear on their date or any number of things that have absolutely nothing to do with me!  In fact, I'm pretty sure that if they are thinking something about me, then it is probably something along the lines of how freaking cute my kids are! So, if stran...